hammers and sand

"Where my shoes become hammers and my words become sand..." -Blue October, 'Come in Closer'


I haven't written anything in quite awhile, so give me some grace here. The reason, I guess, that I've decided to take up writing again is because I've felt so deeply lately that I need some sort of outlet so I don't drive myself crazy. I recently was brought back to faith after being somewhat 'lost' for several months... bad choices, sin, not trying to make excuses for it, but I won't go into incredibly great detail here. Long story short, I wasn't sure if I was saved because of all the sinful desires I was struggling with (and still do struggle with). But I am now looking to Christ for strength rather than drowning alone in my own inabilities.And I now feel I have more accountability than I did before. But due to the consequences of my actions, including a family member who is using my poor choices as an excuse to make a plethora of her own, I have been soul-searching, listening to a lot of emotional music and lyrics that have been touching my soul deeply... in fact, I strongly desire to make my own 'music', my own impact. If I could make music, believe me, I would, but as I am a lot more verbally inclined than instrumentally inclined, I will attempt to make symphonies of words.


Ironically, my inspiration for writing today was an epiphany I had while listening to the song quoted at the beginning of this entry. I guess I never realized what that particular line meant before yesterday, but our  actions have a lot greater impact on others and the world in general than our words. Words may be forgotten, but our lives are defined by what we do and have done. I recall the parable Jesus told in Matthew 21:28-32, of the two sons and the vineyard. A father told both sons to work in his vineyard, receiving an affirmative answer from one and a negative answer from the other. The son who said he would work did not end up keeping his word, but the one who refused "regretted it afterward and went". Which of the sons, Jesus asks, did the will of his father? The one who worked, obviously. What became of the words of the first son? They "became sand", whereas the actions, or "feet", of the second son "became hammers". They had an impact.


In I John 3:18, John admonishes us to "not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth." James backs this point in James 2:15-17, where he writes, "If a brother or sister is naked or destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Depart in peace, be warmed and filled', but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also, faith without works is dead."


So the things we do are a lot more important than what we say, right? Absolutely! Does this mean that words do not carry any weight at all and that what we say doesn't matter at all? Definitely not! Right after James tells us that actions are worth more, he explains how words are important as well! "But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it, we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so." -James 3:8-10 "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!" What foolishness! James just told us that the tongue is full of deadly poison. Deadly! Anyone who has ever felt the sting and anguish of the cruel words of even children, or been emotionally abused knows that this childhood rhyme is a far cry from the truth.Words do hurt, deeply, and their scars can be seen and felt for years. Words do matter, even God said that they do. God created everything to glorify God including our words. The Psalmist writes many beautiful things about God. God has created the vast, endless array of language, vocal inflection, tones, various syllabic sounds, shaping of the mouth as simply another beauty in the world to bring glory to himself. I hope I can master the English language, at least, to the extent of being able to weave beautiful tapestries of words. But I want the beauty of my actions to mirror the beauty of my words. In fact, I want the beauty of the words I use with everyone I come in contact with to mirror the beauty of the words I speak in secret. I pray that this hope will become a reality, because I can be a very ugly person at times, and I am shamed by this. I really do hope to make some sort of difference in the world in service to Christ through service to others, even the very least in the kingdom of God. 


Let's all be more conscious not only of our words, but the spirit in which those words are spoken, and the actions the actions that will either support those words or make them to become "sand" Pray for the grace to make this a reality in each of our lives. I have been called a hypocrite several times recently. Lord, do not let it be so with me. Conform me, in humility, to the beauty of Christ. Shape my desires, words and my actions.

prayer.

As I was driving home from work tonight, I was thinking. I enjoy spending time just thinking, it helps me to sort things out. Anyway, I was thinking, in particular, about prayer. There are so many concepts and things I have yet to learn in my developing faith, and I look forward to learning a great deal throughout the course of my life. Prayer is something that has baffled me somewhat for quite awhile. If God is in complete control, and is unchanging, what's the point of praying and petitioning Him for things? It won't change His mind, so what's the use? I mean, I understand that we pray according to His will, and that our prayers help us to grow and to glorify Him, but still... As I dwelt on this concept, I had somewhat of an epiphany.

God uses our prayers in much the same way as He uses our evangelism.

We are commanded to pray; therefore, we pray. We are commanded to evangelize; therefore we evangelize. Prayer doesn't change God's will, just as evangelism doesn't change God's will. We don't know what the answer to our prayers will be, just as we don't know who will respond to the gospel call, but we pray in faith, knowing that God's will will be done, and that it is what's best. God has chosen to work through our prayers as a tool, much as He has elected to work through our evangelism. So our prayers do matter.

Isn't God awesome?

purity.

"One day we took the children to see a goldsmith refine gold after the ancient manner of the East. He was sitting beside his little charcoal fire. ("He shall sit as a refiner"; the gold- or silversmith never leaves his crucible once it is on the fire.) In the red glow lay a common curved roof tile; another tile covered it like a lid. This was the crucible. In it was the medicine made of salt, tamarind fruit and burnt brick dust, and imbedded in it was the gold. The medicine does its appointed work on the gold, "then the fire eats it," and the goldsmith lifts the gold out with a pair of tongs, lets it cool, rubs it between his fingers, and if not satisfied puts it back again in fresh medicine. This time he blows the fire hotter than it was before, and each time he puts the gold into the crucible, the heat of the fire is increased; "it could not bear it so hot at first, but it can bear it now; what would have destroyed it then helps it now." "How do you know when the gold is purified?" we asked him, and he answered, "When I can see my face in it [the liquid gold in the crucible] then it is pure." -Amy Carmichael, 'Gold Cord'

Memento Mori

"In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return." -Genesis 3:19

joy will come

"Sitting closer than my pain, He knew each tear before it came; soon He will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by..."

"You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book?" -Psalm 56:8

"Joy will come!"

Quick Thoughts on Reality

The senses are mere tools through which to interpret what we know as reality - the present, physical world. But is the future any less real because we cannot presently perceive it? Why assume that a land exists that you have never set foot on? I don't think we realize the amount of faith and assumption we live by on a daily basis. It is ignorant, perhaps even arrogant, to assume that just because we have imperfect tools through which to process the spiritual world that it is any less real than that which we can touch. Do we peons really think that much of our own mental faculties? Things don't have to make sense to us to be the way they are.

Just a quick thought I had.

2011

Well, it's the new year, and I haven't made any resolutions. Probably for the best, they never last, anyway. I would like to set a few goals for myself, though, or at least be thinking about what's important as I go into the new year. I've been thinking a lot lately about my life, and whether or not I'm wasting it. If I died tomorrow, what would there be to say or remember about my life? "Janna worked and went to class. Nearly everything else she did was self-indulgent." I want my life to mean something, and there is no meaning outside of Christ. "The chief end of man is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever." How does one go about this? By faithful study and prayer, living a life of service to others and to the Lord, and allowing the gospel to permeate one's life (which can only be accomplished through continual study of the word). Don't get me wrong, there's a place for entertainment and enjoyment in life, but it's easy to make that the focal point when there is so much more.

Here are some goals I want to work on as we head into the new year:

1. Make time every day to study God's word and pray (continually).

2. When studying God's word, choose a verse from whatever passage is read to meditate on throughout the day.

3. Treat everyone I come into contact with with the love of Christ... true love, not a mushy feeling.

4. Look for opportunities to bless others, and make an impact on the world for Christ.

5. Put my all into everything I set out to do, and do it for the glory of God.

6. Spend more time reading.

7. Choose and learn an instrument (something I've wanted to do for quite awhile).

8. Make better use of my time...

9. Develop some sort of budget.


There are a few other things I want to strive for, but a lot of them could probably fall under the "make better use of my time" category. I guess the reason I posted this on here, is because maybe sharing some of my aspirations will help make me more accountable, and having them written out here will be a reminder to me. Hope you all have a wonderful new year!