Hero

I was going through old notes on my ipod, when I came across something I had written last September. I was encouraged by it, and thought someone else might be, too:

"Sometimes I feel such sorrow, even though I still have contentment and joy. It's as though I'm alright in Christ's strength, but my weakness still shows through sometimes. It hurts to feel so very alone, sometimes, even though I know in my heart I have Christ, and He is by far enough. But sometimes I long for someone to embrace me, to show interest in spending time with me or talking to me, as though I have something to offer, to be appreciated for. I guess I don't so much need to be 'liked' or popular... I need to feel needed. I need to feel concerned for. I was just listening to a song where the singer was essentially begging someone to let them love them, and I thought, no one hopes for me. No one will probably ever hope for me. No one who shares my hopes and passions. It hurts to think that way. I know you're in control of all that, Lord, but it still hurts sometimes. And I need your strength to bear it. The strength that only you can provide.

I did have an awesome thought yesterday, though. I'm not sure that a guy could realize this in the same way, but a girl wants her guy to be her hero. She wants him to be stronger than her, to hold her and carry her sometimes and protect her, and as much as she would hate to lose him, she would want him to stand between her and death, if necessary. As far as affection for Christ goes, he does and has done all of that. He gave his life for his bride, for me, so that I might live, to win me for himself. This realization should steal my heart, and make me fall deeply, very deeply in love with my savior, my hero."

As of now, I'm not so alone anymore. I have the most wonderful boyfriend I could ever have asked for, and he loves the Lord as much as I do! I couldn't be happier. God has been so merciful and gracious to me. But coming across this note was an important reminder to me that Jesus always needs to be my ultimate source of joy.

"Thou lovely source of true delight

Whom I unseen adore;

Unveil thy beauties to my sight

That I might love thee more;

O! That I might love thee more."

-Jars of Clay, 'Hymn'