hammers and sand

"Where my shoes become hammers and my words become sand..." -Blue October, 'Come in Closer'


I haven't written anything in quite awhile, so give me some grace here. The reason, I guess, that I've decided to take up writing again is because I've felt so deeply lately that I need some sort of outlet so I don't drive myself crazy. I recently was brought back to faith after being somewhat 'lost' for several months... bad choices, sin, not trying to make excuses for it, but I won't go into incredibly great detail here. Long story short, I wasn't sure if I was saved because of all the sinful desires I was struggling with (and still do struggle with). But I am now looking to Christ for strength rather than drowning alone in my own inabilities.And I now feel I have more accountability than I did before. But due to the consequences of my actions, including a family member who is using my poor choices as an excuse to make a plethora of her own, I have been soul-searching, listening to a lot of emotional music and lyrics that have been touching my soul deeply... in fact, I strongly desire to make my own 'music', my own impact. If I could make music, believe me, I would, but as I am a lot more verbally inclined than instrumentally inclined, I will attempt to make symphonies of words.


Ironically, my inspiration for writing today was an epiphany I had while listening to the song quoted at the beginning of this entry. I guess I never realized what that particular line meant before yesterday, but our  actions have a lot greater impact on others and the world in general than our words. Words may be forgotten, but our lives are defined by what we do and have done. I recall the parable Jesus told in Matthew 21:28-32, of the two sons and the vineyard. A father told both sons to work in his vineyard, receiving an affirmative answer from one and a negative answer from the other. The son who said he would work did not end up keeping his word, but the one who refused "regretted it afterward and went". Which of the sons, Jesus asks, did the will of his father? The one who worked, obviously. What became of the words of the first son? They "became sand", whereas the actions, or "feet", of the second son "became hammers". They had an impact.


In I John 3:18, John admonishes us to "not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth." James backs this point in James 2:15-17, where he writes, "If a brother or sister is naked or destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Depart in peace, be warmed and filled', but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also, faith without works is dead."


So the things we do are a lot more important than what we say, right? Absolutely! Does this mean that words do not carry any weight at all and that what we say doesn't matter at all? Definitely not! Right after James tells us that actions are worth more, he explains how words are important as well! "But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it, we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so." -James 3:8-10 "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!" What foolishness! James just told us that the tongue is full of deadly poison. Deadly! Anyone who has ever felt the sting and anguish of the cruel words of even children, or been emotionally abused knows that this childhood rhyme is a far cry from the truth.Words do hurt, deeply, and their scars can be seen and felt for years. Words do matter, even God said that they do. God created everything to glorify God including our words. The Psalmist writes many beautiful things about God. God has created the vast, endless array of language, vocal inflection, tones, various syllabic sounds, shaping of the mouth as simply another beauty in the world to bring glory to himself. I hope I can master the English language, at least, to the extent of being able to weave beautiful tapestries of words. But I want the beauty of my actions to mirror the beauty of my words. In fact, I want the beauty of the words I use with everyone I come in contact with to mirror the beauty of the words I speak in secret. I pray that this hope will become a reality, because I can be a very ugly person at times, and I am shamed by this. I really do hope to make some sort of difference in the world in service to Christ through service to others, even the very least in the kingdom of God. 


Let's all be more conscious not only of our words, but the spirit in which those words are spoken, and the actions the actions that will either support those words or make them to become "sand" Pray for the grace to make this a reality in each of our lives. I have been called a hypocrite several times recently. Lord, do not let it be so with me. Conform me, in humility, to the beauty of Christ. Shape my desires, words and my actions.