There are times when I feel swallowed
by all the pain, loss and sorrow in the world. I want to make a
difference. I hurt for the people who hurt. I want to change it all,
to steal it all away and replace it with joy and love and peace.
Especially this Christmas. It hurts my heart to not be able to give
and share with the people I love. I really do have a heart for
people, and as irritable as I can get sometimes, I want to give all
those people a giant hug and wipe away their tears and tell them it
will be okay, and be able to mean it, I want to have the power to
make it all better. Sometimes I tell people it will be okay, even
though I know it won't. Sometimes I have to be strong so that other
people can be strong, even though my heart cries out within me that
I'm terrified, that I'm weak, that I can't do it. But even though I
can't make it all better, I have a Father who can, and I can talk to
him and cry to him any time I need to. My favorite scripture is
Zephaniah 3:17, “The Lord your God in your midst, the mighty One;
He will save. He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet
you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” It's my
favorite scripture because it reminds me that God is closer than an
intangible being. He is as close to me as a Father, who takes delight
in me in spite of my failures and imperfections. He cares deeply for
me, and He is in control of the universe and all it's events. So I
don't have to be afraid, even though I know I'll continue to be. I
can make a huge difference just by talking to my Father about my
fears for myself and for others, and my sorrows and pains. I know He
will provide, I know He will always be there for me. Even if I lose
all that I own, and all that makes me feel safe, and I'm all alone in
this world, I can never lose His love. I am full of fear, not so much
for myself, but for those that I care about. I want to save all of
them from ever having to hurt, and I am very afraid of losing them. I
can't save them. But Jesus can. Jesus did. There will always be pain
in the world. But it won't be forever. Someday everything will be
returned to it's original design and intent, and we will be closer to
God than we could have ever imagined. There will be no more tears, no
more pain, no more brokenness. And it will be beautiful.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
hammers and sand
"Where my shoes become hammers and my words become sand..." -Blue October, 'Come in Closer'
I haven't written anything in quite awhile, so give me some grace here. The reason, I guess, that I've decided to take up writing again is because I've felt so deeply lately that I need some sort of outlet so I don't drive myself crazy. I recently was brought back to faith after being somewhat 'lost' for several months... bad choices, sin, not trying to make excuses for it, but I won't go into incredibly great detail here. Long story short, I wasn't sure if I was saved because of all the sinful desires I was struggling with (and still do struggle with). But I am now looking to Christ for strength rather than drowning alone in my own inabilities.And I now feel I have more accountability than I did before. But due to the consequences of my actions, including a family member who is using my poor choices as an excuse to make a plethora of her own, I have been soul-searching, listening to a lot of emotional music and lyrics that have been touching my soul deeply... in fact, I strongly desire to make my own 'music', my own impact. If I could make music, believe me, I would, but as I am a lot more verbally inclined than instrumentally inclined, I will attempt to make symphonies of words.
Ironically, my inspiration for writing today was an epiphany I had while listening to the song quoted at the beginning of this entry. I guess I never realized what that particular line meant before yesterday, but our actions have a lot greater impact on others and the world in general than our words. Words may be forgotten, but our lives are defined by what we do and have done. I recall the parable Jesus told in Matthew 21:28-32, of the two sons and the vineyard. A father told both sons to work in his vineyard, receiving an affirmative answer from one and a negative answer from the other. The son who said he would work did not end up keeping his word, but the one who refused "regretted it afterward and went". Which of the sons, Jesus asks, did the will of his father? The one who worked, obviously. What became of the words of the first son? They "became sand", whereas the actions, or "feet", of the second son "became hammers". They had an impact.
In I John 3:18, John admonishes us to "not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth." James backs this point in James 2:15-17, where he writes, "If a brother or sister is naked or destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Depart in peace, be warmed and filled', but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also, faith without works is dead."
So the things we do are a lot more important than what we say, right? Absolutely! Does this mean that words do not carry any weight at all and that what we say doesn't matter at all? Definitely not! Right after James tells us that actions are worth more, he explains how words are important as well! "But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it, we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so." -James 3:8-10 "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!" What foolishness! James just told us that the tongue is full of deadly poison. Deadly! Anyone who has ever felt the sting and anguish of the cruel words of even children, or been emotionally abused knows that this childhood rhyme is a far cry from the truth.Words do hurt, deeply, and their scars can be seen and felt for years. Words do matter, even God said that they do. God created everything to glorify God including our words. The Psalmist writes many beautiful things about God. God has created the vast, endless array of language, vocal inflection, tones, various syllabic sounds, shaping of the mouth as simply another beauty in the world to bring glory to himself. I hope I can master the English language, at least, to the extent of being able to weave beautiful tapestries of words. But I want the beauty of my actions to mirror the beauty of my words. In fact, I want the beauty of the words I use with everyone I come in contact with to mirror the beauty of the words I speak in secret. I pray that this hope will become a reality, because I can be a very ugly person at times, and I am shamed by this. I really do hope to make some sort of difference in the world in service to Christ through service to others, even the very least in the kingdom of God.
Let's all be more conscious not only of our words, but the spirit in which those words are spoken, and the actions the actions that will either support those words or make them to become "sand" Pray for the grace to make this a reality in each of our lives. I have been called a hypocrite several times recently. Lord, do not let it be so with me. Conform me, in humility, to the beauty of Christ. Shape my desires, words and my actions.
I haven't written anything in quite awhile, so give me some grace here. The reason, I guess, that I've decided to take up writing again is because I've felt so deeply lately that I need some sort of outlet so I don't drive myself crazy. I recently was brought back to faith after being somewhat 'lost' for several months... bad choices, sin, not trying to make excuses for it, but I won't go into incredibly great detail here. Long story short, I wasn't sure if I was saved because of all the sinful desires I was struggling with (and still do struggle with). But I am now looking to Christ for strength rather than drowning alone in my own inabilities.And I now feel I have more accountability than I did before. But due to the consequences of my actions, including a family member who is using my poor choices as an excuse to make a plethora of her own, I have been soul-searching, listening to a lot of emotional music and lyrics that have been touching my soul deeply... in fact, I strongly desire to make my own 'music', my own impact. If I could make music, believe me, I would, but as I am a lot more verbally inclined than instrumentally inclined, I will attempt to make symphonies of words.
Ironically, my inspiration for writing today was an epiphany I had while listening to the song quoted at the beginning of this entry. I guess I never realized what that particular line meant before yesterday, but our actions have a lot greater impact on others and the world in general than our words. Words may be forgotten, but our lives are defined by what we do and have done. I recall the parable Jesus told in Matthew 21:28-32, of the two sons and the vineyard. A father told both sons to work in his vineyard, receiving an affirmative answer from one and a negative answer from the other. The son who said he would work did not end up keeping his word, but the one who refused "regretted it afterward and went". Which of the sons, Jesus asks, did the will of his father? The one who worked, obviously. What became of the words of the first son? They "became sand", whereas the actions, or "feet", of the second son "became hammers". They had an impact.
In I John 3:18, John admonishes us to "not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth." James backs this point in James 2:15-17, where he writes, "If a brother or sister is naked or destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, 'Depart in peace, be warmed and filled', but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also, faith without works is dead."
So the things we do are a lot more important than what we say, right? Absolutely! Does this mean that words do not carry any weight at all and that what we say doesn't matter at all? Definitely not! Right after James tells us that actions are worth more, he explains how words are important as well! "But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it, we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so." -James 3:8-10 "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me!" What foolishness! James just told us that the tongue is full of deadly poison. Deadly! Anyone who has ever felt the sting and anguish of the cruel words of even children, or been emotionally abused knows that this childhood rhyme is a far cry from the truth.Words do hurt, deeply, and their scars can be seen and felt for years. Words do matter, even God said that they do. God created everything to glorify God including our words. The Psalmist writes many beautiful things about God. God has created the vast, endless array of language, vocal inflection, tones, various syllabic sounds, shaping of the mouth as simply another beauty in the world to bring glory to himself. I hope I can master the English language, at least, to the extent of being able to weave beautiful tapestries of words. But I want the beauty of my actions to mirror the beauty of my words. In fact, I want the beauty of the words I use with everyone I come in contact with to mirror the beauty of the words I speak in secret. I pray that this hope will become a reality, because I can be a very ugly person at times, and I am shamed by this. I really do hope to make some sort of difference in the world in service to Christ through service to others, even the very least in the kingdom of God.
Let's all be more conscious not only of our words, but the spirit in which those words are spoken, and the actions the actions that will either support those words or make them to become "sand" Pray for the grace to make this a reality in each of our lives. I have been called a hypocrite several times recently. Lord, do not let it be so with me. Conform me, in humility, to the beauty of Christ. Shape my desires, words and my actions.
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